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I have been having trouble writing lately because every time I think of something to write about, this little voice in my head says,
“Are you really enough of an expert to write about that?” and the other voice in my head says, “No . . .”
There isn’t even really much discussion to this inner dialogue, just a flat no. Which is kind of disappointing and leaves the page blank.
Experts take a stand about something and if they change their minds, that’s bad, right?
I started thinking about it and I am pretty sure there is nothing that I am an expert on. I know a lot of stuff, about a lot of stuff . . . but there is always more to learn and new data or information coming from one place or another that makes me rethink my thinking about things! For a minute, that made me feel like I couldn’t possibly be an expert on anything.
But what does it mean to be an expert?
Are experts on a subject done learning? They know everything? Nothing new ever comes along to change everything they believe? If that’s true, can they stay experts?
We have run into some doctors over the years that were “experts”. What I found with these doctors is that often, when something didn’t go as planned or as expected, they found it necessary to stay “right” and find something to blame the failure on. Often this was the amount of effort that had been put into the treatment, the amount of time we had given it, or maybe it was just “all in his head” afterall since the one treatment they liked to do didn’t work.
These “experts” were people I had to walk away from because they weren’t able to keep looking, to search outside the box, and to really dig to find an answer that worked for my child.
They were too busy being “experts” to do the work it would take to help. So, is there really value in that kind of expert?
Another thing that came to my mind as I thought about this are the differing opinions of “experts”. There are two doctors that I have seen referenced as “experts” when it comes to knowledge of and treating CRPS. One is an adult doctor and the other is a pediatric doctor and these two experts don’t agree on much of anything from what I can tell from reading papers, attending conferences, and seeing the treatments that they prescribe.
One is a proponent of looking at the whole person and making sure they are diagnosed properly and getting the care they need individually and developing an individualized plan that includes physical therapy but doesn’t focus much on desensitizing therapy. The primary focus being on calming the system.
The other runs a boot camp style program that tends to lend itself to a one size fits most approach that is separation from parents and long 8 hour days of combined therapies including a big focus on desensitizing therapy and boot camp style physical therapy with a focus on rewiring the system through force of will and forced function despite the pain and without any medications.
Both of these doctors are highly regarded by some and they disagree on almost everything when it comes to what appropriate treatment should include, so does an “expert” really exist?
So, maybe I should be happy I’m not an expert . . .
I am working on overcoming my worry about not being an expert. I am going to keep learning and I’m going to keep writing. You all know I’m just a mom on this journey with you. The only thing I really know about is the adventure we have been on and the tools that have helped us survive it so far and that if my sharing some of those things can possibly help another family, that isn’t something I’d want to hold back.
I don’t know where we will wind up and this last year has been a roller coaster of change but we are still on this journey. Maybe someday I’ll be an expert on something, I’ll let you know if I figure it out.
